tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84413447906925087272024-03-12T20:13:11.401-07:00I Spit On Your GraveThe Final TabooRajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-16260099469033275792010-06-21T13:17:00.000-07:002010-06-21T14:06:38.446-07:00Songs I HateI’m exposing a weakness here. If any of those songs are played within earshot, I immediately collapse on the floor, writhing in a pool of my own vomit. These are the WORST songs I have ever heard in my life.<br /><br />This is not a joke. I’d rather make friends with the petrol station Bangla than listen to these songs.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">5. Uncle Kracker – Follow Me</span><br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQls53Piuj0<br /><br />His name is enough for me to hate him. <span style="font-style: italic;">Uncle fucking Kracker.</span> But it’s cool because it’s spelt with a ‘K’. You know what haunts my nightmares? Him playing this song to a bunch of idiots around a campfire, and everyone is clapping to the beat. Fucking nightmares leave me, please!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Worst moment:</span> The finger snapping at the beginning. Excruciating.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. Ricky Martin – Cup of Life</span><br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJaEVmbzXSA<br /><br />First of all, this is one of the dumbest song titles I’ve ever heard. It’s a sports trophy - get over it. Cup of LIFE, for fuck’s sake! Talk about overdoing it. And secondly, this is the gayest thing to happen to football since David Beckham’s mohawk.<br /><br />I hate anything from Ricky Martin, period. When everyone else was chanting “Goal, goal goal!” like a bunch of little homos, I was crying myself to sleep. It’s football, you don’t need to bloody sing about it.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Worst moment:</span> The ‘waving cheer’ during the chorus.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3. Who Let The Dogs Out – Baha Men</span><br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He82NBjJqf8<br /><br />"Well, the party was nice, the party was pumpin'<br />Yippie yi yo<br />And everybody havin' a ball<br />Yippie yi yo"<br /><br />Enough said. Let's move on.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Worst moment:</span> The name of the band. Baha Men, for fuck's sake!<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. I'm A Big Big Girl - Emilia</span><br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIT_836Hqc0<br /><br />I'm convinced this song was written in two minutes by an epileptic monkey. "I'm a big big girl, in a big big world." Brilliant. Call Shakespeare and tell him he's no longer considered a literary legend.<br /><br />If you like this song, I sincerely pray you get leprosy someday (leprosy is Rajjiv's new favourite disease - Editor).<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Worst moment:</span> Everything, as far as I'm concerned.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. I Feel Good - James Brown</span><br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzlpTRNIAvc<br /><br />I am convinced this is the WORST song ever written. There is not a single thing right about this fucked up song.<br /><br />I always hated how TV channels used to play this song over 'funny' montages of their shows. Hey everyone, let's play this song and string together clips of Chandler dancing, Raymond shaking his ass and Buffy winking like a fucking spastic, so that it looks like they're all dancing to this song. I FEEL GOOD! FUCKING RIDICULOUS! Who pays these people?<br /><br />James Brown is thankfully dead and can never perform again. All his songs suck and this one takes the cake.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Worst moment:</span> IT ANGERS ME THAT AFTER LISTENING TO THIS SONG, I DO NOT FEEL GOOD!Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-28279682229453106712010-04-22T13:15:00.000-07:002010-04-22T13:16:37.562-07:00I Hate Nicknames<span style="font-style:italic;">"Rajjiv is not a very likeable person."</span> - Editor's note.<br /><br /><br />Recently at work, I had to email a colleague who asked everyone to call her ‘Nini’. Yes, I know what you’re thinking – I wanted to shoot her in the chest as well.<br /><br />Now, I had to look up her name in our database to find her email address. I assumed that her real name had a ‘ni’ somewhere in it – thus the unspeakable nickname ‘Nini’. I assumed wrong – because I am unable to think like a complete moron.<br /><br />Her name turned out to be <span style="font-weight:bold;">Nurul Aishah.</span><br /><br />WHY THE HELL IS SHE CALLED NINI?<br /><br />I sent her the email. And signed it ‘Please kill yourself. Yours, Rajjiv.’<br /><br />I have said this before and I’ll say it again. I hate nicknames. Never tell me to call you something other than your real name, because I will punch you in the neck.<br /><br />All three major races in Malaysia have offended me here. Let me show you how.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Indians – Telling everyone your ‘home name’ but not your real name.</span><br /><br />Why do you need a ‘home name’? I’ll never understand this. It’s the gayest shit ever.<br /><br />This is a true story. Someone tried to add me in MSN but I rejected it. Later, I met this dumb bitch who was apparently called Devi.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Devi:</span> Rajjiv! Why did you reject me in MSN?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Me:</span> Huh? I don’t recall you ever adding me.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Devi:</span> I did. And you rejected me.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Me:</span> The only person I rejected was someone named Maheswari.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Devi:</span> That’s me.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Me:</span> I thought your name was Devi.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Devi:</span> That’s my home name.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Me:</span> You will die alone.<br /><br />Someone explained to me that Indians have home names because they’re sometimes named after their older relatives – therefore it wouldn’t be prudent to call him/her by name, out of respect for said relative. My solution: DON’T BLOODY NAME YOURSELVES AFTER YOUR STUPID RELATIVES.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Malays – Everyone has a stupid, pointless nickname that has nothing to do with their real name.</span><br /><br />Everyone knows this and hates it. Till this day I’m not sure what my Malay friends’ names are. And worst of all, the nicknames are borderline retarded. Do you really want to be called Ajoi? And Bob. <span style="font-style:italic;">How the hell did a Malay guy end up being called Bob?</span><br /><br />An old acquaintance of mine was called Hanim, but her nickname was ANIM. Dumbass.<br /><br />And while we’re on the subject, why are all Malay restaurants named D’something? There’s even a D’Tomyam out there somewhere. French tomyam! This is an epidemic that the Malay community really needs to look into.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Chinese – Giving yourself some silly ‘English’ name.</span><br /><br />Oh god, some of the names I’ve come across. Why can’t y’all stick with your original Chinese names? I will never get this.<br /><br />When I was in Systematic College, the guy sitting next to me told me his name was Kelly Tan. And the following week, he told me his name was Oliver Tan. Needless to say, I changed my seat.<br /><br />There was also a girl named Lucky Ho. I am not making this up.<br /><br />My mother’s school actually had two Chinese kids named Arthur and Guinevere. Both had no idea how to spell their names but would answer to nothing else. Royal idiots. Someone should stab them with the Excalibur.<br /><br />During Form 5, one of the most feared Chinese gangsters in my school decided he needed an English name. He chose Marty. How intimidating.<br /><br />Moral of the story – if you’re named Tan Ah Seng, stick with it. You really don’t look like an Oscar or Clarence or Fernando.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">So, what nicknames are acceptable?</span><br /><br />I mentioned earlier that I hate nicknames. However, I love them when they’re done in mean spirit, or when they’re hurtful. I am a very hateful person and this is how I express myself. I also hit children when nobody’s looking.<br /><br />Here are some acceptable nicknames:<br /><br />Fatty<br /><br />Fatass<br /><br />Fat Fuck<br /><br />Fat Piece of Shit that Nobody Likes<br /><br />Bangla/Indon<br /><br />Your father has two wives (not really a nickname, but suitable to call someone who is in said situation)Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-28519046103691680732010-01-11T19:40:00.000-08:002010-01-11T20:07:49.451-08:00Karma Is Very RealI have spent a great part of my life ridiculing and belittling people from all walks of life – the handicapped, Japanese people, AIDS patients, Hare Rama devotees, and other idiots.<br /><br />Today, I realized that I am slowly being punished for my evil ways.<br /><br />I received a message in Facebook, of which I was one of the many recipients. Check it out yourself.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhZLwdlJkDvqOQoWUVcDUvWDwdPZ5oG4inJ3dvp1qV8Cw6bHw1f6oz6jwiGkAnnGbDuVqVO8x7Vif1bEP5YWr7B8AIBU8AUuYIibfNoUHu2Y8yjy1eJW3-FCLwHkMAfrH9prJ0VcqW3mc/s1600-h/retarded.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 250px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhZLwdlJkDvqOQoWUVcDUvWDwdPZ5oG4inJ3dvp1qV8Cw6bHw1f6oz6jwiGkAnnGbDuVqVO8x7Vif1bEP5YWr7B8AIBU8AUuYIibfNoUHu2Y8yjy1eJW3-FCLwHkMAfrH9prJ0VcqW3mc/s400/retarded.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5425698921624549058" /></a><br /><br />Yes, that’s right. Apparently I am an Indian girl who used to go SMK St. Mary. <span style="font-weight:bold;">Jesus fucking Christ.<br /></span><br />WHY DO THESE THINGS ONLY HAPPEN TO ME?<br /><br />Look at that picture again. Everything about it is wrong. The message, the names of the girls. Dear Lord, help me.<br /><br />Yes, yes, I can’t wait for our little reunion. I can see it already. A bunch of lumpy, stereotypically Tamil Indian girls dressed in big collared t-shirts and ¾ tights waddling about in some waterfall in Sungai Petani. I can already smell the sickeningly sweet stench of cheap hair oil. <br /><br />To the genius who decided to include me in this abomination of a message, and to the person who gladly replied “Around August!” with such repulsive enthusiasm - <span style="font-style:italic;">A plague o' both your houses! <br /></span>Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-47541744625846121442009-12-28T09:41:00.001-08:002009-12-28T09:53:49.386-08:00OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, NOT AGAIN YOU LAZY BASTARD.That's right. I didn't update my blog for some time (5 months?). And this is another tired "I'm back" post. You're welcome.<br /><br />To be honest, I felt nobody was reading this shit. I'd rather post stuff on Facebook, where I could see people actively comment. This blog seemed a bit... dull.<br /><br />Of course, like before, people started asking me why the hell I haven't updated the blog. So... looks like people ARE reading it. Meh.<br /><br />So since I don't really have anything to add right now, I'll just let you have a few random thoughts of mine. I say thoughts, they're mostly rants.<br /><br />-If you thought Sai Baba devotees were fucked up, retarded, faggy freaks who should be slowly tortured to death, you really have not encountered Hare Rama Hare Krishna devotees.<br /><br />-Why do Malays chat-laugh like this - 'Wakakakaka' or 'Ekekekeke' or 'Huhuhuhu'? And why do they sometimes end a typed sentence with 'Erk'?<br /><br />-To the Indians: Stop giving me shit about Surya being a serious 'actor'. He's just as retarded as Vijay and is a total joke. I wish I could take back the 15 minutes I spent watching Kaaka Kaaka - it was pathetic and you know it.<br /><br />-Till this day, I'm not sure how to drive to One Utama. <br /><br />-I finally got drunk with a Kazakh dude. I asked him about Borat and R Lizer and all he had to say was 'It's bullshit, man!'. He also invited me to his house in Almaty. Sweet.<br /><br /><br />That's all, folks. Will post higher quality shit the next time.Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-24097261822716096892009-07-30T09:25:00.000-07:002009-07-30T09:26:55.892-07:00Kadhal Dot ComSorry, it’s been in my mind for way too long. A movie I made up (which turned out to be real. Well, at least the title is).<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">MOVIE PREVIEW OF…</span><br /><br />Kadhal Dot Com<br /><br />Three simple words.<br /><br />One Meaning.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Love….</span><br /><br /><br />Starring Abbas, Harini, Prakash Raj, Dilli Ganesh, Visu<br /><br /><br />‘Kadhal Dot Com’ is a story of two people who are brought together through the Internet. Brought together in Love. By Love. For Love.<br /><br />Although they remain cyber-lovers online, they have no idea that their families are great rivals and will never accept their union. When will their parents realise that their love is not only Kadhal… it is Kadhal dot Com.<br /><br />>>LOGIN<br />>>ACCESSING WWW.KADHAL.COM<br />>>ENTER PASSWORD<br />>>ENABLING HTML<br />>>ENABLING FTP<br />>>ENABLING… LOVE….<br /><br /><br />Abbas plays <span style="font-weight:bold;">‘Karthik’</span>, an honest, jovial youth who likes to have fun and drink with his uglier, darker friends. He loves chatting in the cyber café, but when he chats you can hear him speak out the dialogue in his mind so that you don’t really have to read what he’s chatting when you’re watching the movie.<br /><br />Harini plays <span style="font-weight:bold;">‘Swarna’</span>, a decent college girl who follows her father’s every wish. She, too, loves to chat.<br /><br />Prakash Raj plays <span style="font-weight:bold;">‘Swarna’s Dad’</span>, an uncompromising bastard who will learn about true love at the end of the movie. Well, not at the very end, just close to the end.<br /><br />Dilli Ganesh plays the <span style="font-weight:bold;">same role he has been playing for 30 fucking years.</span><br /><br />Visu plays <span style="font-weight:bold;">‘Wise Older Man Who Teaches People Life Lessons By Manipulating Them in Hilarious Yet Touching Ways’</span>.<br /><br />Guy-Who-Looks-Like-Younger-Version-of-Vadivelu plays one of the <span style="font-weight:bold;">‘Uglier Darker Friends’.</span><br /><br />Pandian plays nobody because he’s dead.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Some Song Lyrics</span><br /><br />Track 3 – Cyber Ponnu<br /><br />Hey hey<br />Nee than yen Cyber Ponnu<br />Kadhal dot com…<br />Cyber Ponnu login pannunge…<br />Hey hey!<br /><br /><br />Track 6 – Chatting La la la<br /><br />Chatting La la la…<br />Chatting La la la…<br />Oooh yeahhh… Kadhal….cyber…SMS….<br />Chatting La la la…<br />Chatting La la la…<br /><br /><br />Track 7 – Mannusuku Email<br /><br />Oowa oowa!<br />Internet ulagam… cyber kavithai…<br />Yennaku Yahoo, unnaku Googazh<br />Britney Spear dancing teriyuma…<br />(Rap) Yeah yeah, Kadhal.com<br />Friendster, Orkut is all just Kadhal for me<br />Check it out, check it out.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Lyrics by Vairamuthu’s retarded brother.</span>Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-51224101379049281012009-06-19T14:47:00.000-07:002009-06-19T15:00:53.499-07:00To ALL JAPANESE GIRLS: Why You Should Date Me<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CRAJJIV%7E1.KAN%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">I like Schoolgirls</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Fuck each and every one of you guys out there who says he doesn’t like schoolgirls. Well, to clear things up, I don’t really like <span style="font-style: italic;">school girls</span> per se – I like girls in school uniforms, so they could be of any age. Then again, I’m a registered sex offender.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">So, yes, Japanese girls, with me you can be free to wear that little sailor uniform. And the short skirt. And the high socks. And the white panties. Ok, no panties.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">I Think Giggling is Sexy</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">I want you to giggle at everything I say. Preferably with one hand coyly covering your petite mouth. “Hey you look so cute!” GIGGLE! “Hey I love your Hello Kitty bag!” GIGGLE! “Hey my uncle's daughter got raped so he killed himself out of shame!” GIGGLE!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">I like Your Body</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Japanese girls are not flat! They’re perfect. Ok, maybe a bit flat, but still perfect. Each time I say I like Japanese girls to an Indian girl, she says “Oh, they’re so flat”. Well, sorry, I’m just not into huge child-bearing hips or ‘big because they’re fat’ boobs. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">PS – I would like to clarify that Indian girls are not all big hips and fat boobs - some have moustaches too.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">
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<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">I’m Into Whimpering During Sex</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Japanese girls don’t moan in pleasure or scream out your name during sex – they just plain whimper. Sometimes with a finger in the mouth. I’m doing her, and she’s whimpering – in pleasure, apparently! That is just so tits. Anyone who’s watched Japanese porn knows this. Fuck off, don't stare at me, you all have.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">I’ll Piss On Your Face</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">First of all, we shouldn’t make fun of other people’s customs. People do things differently in other cultures. We kiss during sex, Japanese people just piss on each other. Don’t laugh, this is serious shit. That reminds me – they sometimes crap on each other too. But that’s just gross. Sick Japanese bastards.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">Hate Mail I Received Because of This Post:</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal">Dear Rajjiv,</p> <p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal">I am a successful Japanese woman from <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Tokyo</st1:place></st1:city>. This is a highly distasteful post that is both degrading to women and the Japanese. Japanese women are not sick perverse nymphs ready to serve you sexually. This is typical stereotyping that can only be produced from a mind so steeped in pornography and cheap television shows. I hope you burn in hell.</p> <p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal">Anonymous</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">My Reply:</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal">Dear Anonymous:</p> <p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal">YES ME RIKEY YOU RONG TIME TOO. I RESPECT ALL JAPANESE WOMEN. I WISH FOR YOU TO GIVE ME MANY MANY SEXY TIME PREASURE IN PENIS AREA. I WANT TO DO YOU FROM BEHIND. THANK YOU PREASE. SAYONARA PREASE.
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<br /></p><p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal">Rajjiv</p> Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-29030005574975001242009-06-09T08:31:00.000-07:002009-06-09T10:26:02.521-07:00BOOK REVIEW SECTION: Chicken Soup for The AIDS Patient’s SoulThe <em>‘Chicken Soup For The Soul’</em> series has long been a leading source of inspiration for millions worldwide. I remember my first read years ago – finding the original book in my grand-aunt’s antique bookcase, where she carefully kept all her most treasured books.<br /><br />I remember her smiling as she saw me holding the book. It was rare to see her smile then – the cancer had taken a huge toll on her. She said to me gently “This is one of my favourite books. And I want you to have it.”<br /><br />I nodded, but I never read the book. Video games and television had captured my attention. The book lay under my bed, gathering dust.<br /><br />Two weeks later, my grand-aunt passed away. I remember family members shifting the old antique bookcase into the storeroom to make room for the funeral. Those books were her only treasure. I felt my heart grow heavy because I knew they would never be read again by eager eyes full of wonder. <em>Her eyes.</em><br /><br />When I got home, I picked up the old book my aunt had given me and opened it. And I felt my eyes fill with tears. My grand-aunt had written a single word on the front page – <em>‘Hope’.<br /></em><br />With a warm cup of hot chocolate by my side, I snuggled into my old armchair and began reading <em>‘Chicken Soup For The Soul’.</em><br /><br />Fifteen minutes later, I was drowning in a pool of my own thick glutinous vomit and feverishly clawing at my eyes like a rabid mongoose screaming "The gayness! The gayness!"<br /><br />Screw you, Grand-aunt. Seriously, screw you.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Anyway, here are some stories from the latest edition of ‘Chicken Soup For The Soul’ – <em>‘<strong>Chicken Soup For The AIDS Patient’s Soul’.<br /></strong></em><br /><strong>The STD Inspirers<br /></strong><br />Everyone in this world has a purpose. No matter how insignificant you think you are, you live to inspire someone else.<br /><br />We, the victims of AIDS, live to remind people how fragile life can be. (hesitant pause) Well, maybe LIVE isn't the right word to use here...<br /><br />AIDS is not a limitation to faith. These days, finding a person with good faith is like finding a needle in a haystack. (hesitant pause) Well, maybe NEEDLE isn't the right word to use here...<br /><br />Still, we press on. We never give up. We would rather die than stop trying. (hesitant pause) Well, maybe DIE isn’t the right word to use here...<br /><br />So, even if you're a needle-sharing homosexual drug addict who has unprotected sex with multiple partners, there is still hope. (hesitant pause) Well, maybe NEEDLE-SHARING HOMOSEXUAL DRU...never mind.<br /><br /><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>Life’s Beauty – A Poem</strong><br /><br />The lilies beckon to the lonely dove<br />Little fairy folk on buttercups<br />I hear the song of a nightingale in love<br />You have AIDS<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>That Little Bastard</strong><br /><br />Once upon a time, there was a very sick little boy. Now, although he had to lie in bed all day long, he always wanted to go out and play. He often saw the other children outside his window, playing and laughing and longed to be with them. So he decided to pray.<br /><br />He prayed “Dear Jesus. Please make me better so that I can go outside and play with my friends.” And so he said this prayer every single night before bedtime.<br /><br />And one night, the boy opened his eyes and saw a man standing before him. This man had kind eyes and a beard. And Jesus said to the boy ‘My child, come closer and you shall know my love’. And Jesus kissed the boy on the forehead, and the boy fell asleep, dreaming of playgrounds and ice creams and lollypops.<br /><br />When Jesus returned to Heaven, he was stopped at the pearly gates by St. Peter because he had contracted AIDS from the little boy.<br /><br />“That little bastard!” said Jesus.Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-85038938521167112172009-05-26T13:23:00.000-07:002009-05-27T00:24:08.616-07:00The Gayest Movie Poster I’ve Ever SeenI always thought that the gayest movie poster ever would either be a Tamil one or an Asian horror film/shitfest. But when I went to watch Star Trek (which was fucking brilliant by the way), I saw this:<br /><br /><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5340231246961067858" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 273px; height: 400px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnOgioXjLSENyQOfgD9Leu0SZYDGzCx0dFeLIWnuEZAbr-AhtUuLx01o1ihMvZm7zyMLrMkKjaqUEOPvQF6BAascy0ibdZQ1vXFNTXK8s9QloByVQ8EPkJzHIV5Cqw4FYt0hYPs5VwxaI/s400/poster2.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br /><br />Just take a moment to absorb the image. And then slit your throat open with a rusty knife licked by an AIDS patient, because that’s better than living with this absolute atrocity in your mind for even two seconds.<br /><br />Oh and one more thing.<br /><br />THE NAME OF THE MOVIE IS SYURGA CINTA. THEY NAMED THE MOVIE SYURGA FUCKING CINTA.<br /><br />Who’s the guy who came up with this bullshit? Who was the one in the production meeting who got up and said “I know! Let’s call this abortion of a movie ‘Syurga Cinta’. Who was that guy and why isn’t he horribly tortured to death yet?<br /><br />Just look at the poster. Everything about it is just WRONG. The girl has this “I’m a dumb bitch” confused expression on her face like every worker in MPH who goes “Hah??” if you ask for a book that isn’t Harry Potter. The guy looks like your girlfriend’s male friend who follows her shopping when you’re not around and gives his unwanted opinions on your relationship. I already know he’s the type who doesn’t wear sunglasses, but yet has a pair perpetually perched on his head all the time. And the kid-<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAndblvVRbUhZvlyFWFM_dLbSas-1NNsW0Lz7pNp1JrYx16jEG8-G0TrR9zxdv20ErK9pKPdy5P4JwrRdBCgMfPEGeQCg_-Tj2yj2g56rQW-rfqUtojbcSIayhEXdPANMz8UdVdR1yGRw/s1600-h/syurga.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 386px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAndblvVRbUhZvlyFWFM_dLbSas-1NNsW0Lz7pNp1JrYx16jEG8-G0TrR9zxdv20ErK9pKPdy5P4JwrRdBCgMfPEGeQCg_-Tj2yj2g56rQW-rfqUtojbcSIayhEXdPANMz8UdVdR1yGRw/s400/syurga.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5340400799131949698" border="0" /></a><br />Ok, the kid is something else.<br /><br />Take a look at the kid’s face. It’s that whole inane cutesiness that gets to me. His expression! He’s an annoying little bastard, isn’t he? He’s like a little midget who creeps into your room at night to kill you. Little midget bastard wearing a scouts uniform… oh god, who the fuck is designing all this?? Who is doing this shit??<br /><br />I’ll tell y’all one thing la. This poster is so awful and clichéd, that it can already tell me the entire plot.<br /><br /><em>I will now write down the entire plot of this movie without knowing a single thing beforehand, and I guarantee you a 99% accuracy rate, or your money back.</em><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>The Plot of Syurga Cinta</strong><br /><br />-The Girl is the Kid’s teacher.<br /><br />-The Guy is the Kid’s older brother/relative/neighbour.<br /><br />-The Girl is looking for Mr Right. The Guy is always dating the wrong girl.<br /><br />-The Kid decides to pair them up through many hilarious (gay) and cute (gay) ways, such as pretending to be sick in school so that the Guy has to come over and run into the Girl, or by sending text messages to both parties claiming to be the other.<br /><br />-The Kid also has to make sure the rival love interest does not interfere in the relationship, e.g. stopping a slutty chick from going out with the Guy to a club, or putting laxatives into a suave male teacher’s coffee so he can’t ask out the Girl.<br /><br />-There must be a breaking point where the Kid is forced to admit what he did, and the couple will be pissed off with the little bastard, but not for long because they realise that his little midget heart was in the right place.<br /><br />-The Guy and the Girl soon realise they really love each other and the movie ends with a wedding, where the Kid sings/dances to a closing song number while we all try to wake up from a pool of our own vomit.<br /><br /><br /><br />But just to make things interesting, if I had my say, this is how the movie would go:<br /><br />-The Kid tells the Guy about his hot teacher. The Guy decides to seduce her.<br /><br />-The Guy and the Girl go out for a while. He screws the shit out of her for a week and then dumps her sorry ass.<br /><br />-The Girl goes back to school very upset and annoyed. She starts picking on the Kid for no reason, humiliating him in front of all the students. The Kid begins to hate school and life in general.<br /><br />-The Guy uploads some 3gp sex clips online, to the Girl’s horror.<br /><br />-The Girl hits the Kid one day in class, and is suspended with non-pay leave.<br /><br />-The Kid finds out some time later that he is diagnosed with AIDS.<br /><br /><br /><strong>NEXT WEEK!!! LAMEST CHINESE MOVIE TITLE EVER!</strong><br /><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5340231699571660194" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 284px; height: 400px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpekxK3lp99nbI_42ceE7xMoZE6LRYdcScuzQU92F2BBzkbmwPect7aXdqDNLl7QOTtVpfHMFCGI4_H3JFQpVX3gZhAITNeMEFBDR3-0jSI-nGXE0bzAzEDRvgBjT6DQq_8Q_cQUPxjDY/s400/ladycop.jpg" border="0" />Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-40731852267933769812009-05-21T10:23:00.000-07:002009-05-21T10:25:39.526-07:00You Are Retarded If You Listen To This…<em><strong>Classic Songs Remixed Into Techno.</strong></em><br /><br /><br />Because that’s exactly what I wanted to hear. Oh, everyone loved Celine Dion’s “<em>My Heart Will Go On</em>”, so now lets remix it with a 1000dB pounding bass drum-line, synth special effects and someone shouting ‘who let the dogs out?’ every 5 seconds.<br /><br />Ok, I don’t really mind these ‘techno-tards’(copyright) blasting their mind-numbing trance garbage all day long – it’s only a matter of time until they OD on their Ecstasy pills anyway. But why remix Bryan Adams? <em>And Lionel fucking Richie?</em> I don’t get it.<br /><br />The car hi-fi system nuts are usually the major offenders. These are the type of people whose cars sound like they have throbbing erections amplified, because of the bullshit being played inside. Also, on another note, these people are also the sort who fix up their cars so that the engine still runs for a couple of minutes, even after they’ve turned off the ignition and walked out, looking incredibly smug, as if to say “Yeap, that’s right. The engine is still running, but it’s ok – that’s how I set it.” Fuck you.<br /><br />Only if you have ZERO musical taste, would you listen to Cyndi Lauper’s <em>‘Time After Time’</em> and think ‘Hmmm. Since I’m a bloody musical genius, with my Fruityloops and laptop, let’s see how else I can bastardize someone else’s work.’<br /><br />Ok, fine. You want to add your retarded trance drums to otherwise slow songs. However musically sacrilegious that is, I understand your point, just like I understand genocide and child abuse. <em>But why the hell is there some Euro-trash guy, who I imagine is topless and sweaty, shouting something random after every sentence in the song?<br /></em><br /><strong>Celine Dion:</strong> Every night… in my dreams..<br /><br /><strong>Euro Trash Piece of Shit:</strong> EVERYBODY DANCE! EVERYBODY MOVE! IBIZA! IBIZA!<br /><br /><strong>Celine Dion:</strong> I see you.. I feel you…<br /><br /><strong>Euro Trash Piece of Shit:</strong> I AM THE SOUL OF THE EAGLE! FLYING OVER IBIZA! RHYTHM!<br /><br /><strong>Celine Dion:</strong> That is how I know you…<br /><br /><strong>Euro Trash Piece of Shit:</strong> RHYTHM OVER IBIZA! EVERYBODY DANCING NOW!<br /><br /><strong>Celine Dion (suddenly repeating the same phrase again and again like a fucking spastic):</strong> Go on! Go on! Go on! Go on! GoGoGoGoGoGoGoGo OnOnOnOnOnOn!<br /><br />Ibiza always sounded like a cool place, but now I hate it from the bottom of my heart. And the best part is how the DJs look – despite the huge sound, they’re all just a bunch of skinny, balding white guys wearing black rimmed spectacles.<br /><br />On a final note, don’t think only white Euro trash and Chinese fengtao kids pull off this shit – I’m sad to say Punjabis are also to blame. Stop remixing every popular song with bhangra. It doesn’t work and never did. I don’t wanna hear Snoop Dogg being given the bhangra treatment. You guys have a great culture, and your women are hot (when young), but let’s all face the ugly truth – bhangra is one of the worst forms of music every conceived, and the dance is even worse.<br /><br /><br />So, stop listening to classic songs remixed into techno… because that means you’re totally gay. And retarded.Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-54466564794387530322009-05-14T09:11:00.000-07:002009-05-14T09:14:18.189-07:00Motivational Section - How To Inspire PeopleYou don’t need to sit through a Tony Robbins seminar to learn to inspire people. Through simple words and phrases, I can teach how to sound like your average stick-up-his-ass spiritual guru.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Repeat the Same Phrase Twice</strong><br /><br />By doing this, you drive your point deeper into the subject’s head. For example, if the subject is going to the liquor store, this is how your conversation might go:<br /><br /><strong>Pathma:</strong> Bye, I’m off to the liquor store.<br /><br /><strong>You:</strong> Hey, Pathma?<br /><br /><strong>Pathma:</strong> What?<br /><br /><strong>You:</strong> You can do it. You can do it.<br /><br /><br />Remember to take a slight pause between the two phrases. And for the second time, try to sound more smug, and maybe even nod in approval.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Pull off a ‘Steve Perry’</strong><br /><br />Instead of encouragement, this time you provide hope. Again, remember to sound like an asshole.<br /><br /><strong>Pathma:</strong> Bye, I’m off to the liquor store.<br /><br /><strong>You:</strong> Hey, Pathma?<br /><br /><strong>Pathma:</strong> What?<br /><br /><strong>You:</strong> Don’t stop believing.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Show a Very Sudden ‘Thumbs Up’</strong><br /><br />Please be sure that when you show your thumbs up, you do it really suddenly and proudly, like as if you were building momentum to jam your thumb up someone’s ass. Sorry, that was the only example I could think of.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Pathma:</strong> Bye, I’m off to the liquor store.<br /><br /><strong>You:</strong> Hey, Pathma?<br /><br /><strong>Pathma:</strong> What?<br /><br /><strong>You:</strong> (shows a ‘thumbs up’ sign) Yeahh!<br /><br /><br /><strong>FOR ADVANCED INSPIRERS – Repeat The Same Phrase Twice, Pull off a Steve Perry and Show a Very Sudden ‘Thumbs Up’</strong><br /><br /><strong>Pathma:</strong> Bye, I’m off to the liquor store.<br /><br /><strong>You:</strong> Hey, Pathma?<br /><br /><strong>Pathma:</strong> What?<br /><br /><strong>You:</strong> Don’t stop believing. Don’t stop believing. (shows a ‘thumbs up’ sign) Yeahh!<br /><br /><strong>Pathma:</strong> Alright! Jesus…Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-47950564362424481032009-05-14T08:33:00.000-07:002009-05-14T09:15:16.190-07:00Directions Guy Must Die!!Today’s fucktard of the week is <strong>Directions Guy</strong> – the guy who can’t stop talking about directions to anywhere in the world.<br /><br />Everyone knows someone like this. He’s the guy who knows the roads like I know Japanese porn – and trust me, I know my Japanese porn. I am now at a point of my life where I am perfectly comfortable watching a giggling Japanese girl piss on a guy wearing a bear costume. The giggling is the part I don’t get. Guy shits on her face and she’s still giggling like a schoolgirl. Just… giggling! Can’t stop giggling!<br /><br />Ok, moving on. Instead of being helpful, Directions Guy pisses people off. You see, this guy also falls under the category of ‘People Who Have Nothing Interesting To Talk About But Yet Must Never Stop Talking’. Honourable mentions in this category also include ‘Guy Who Can’t Stop Talking About Handphones’ and ‘Guy Who Loves Telling You The Entire Plot of A Movie You Already Saw’.<br /><br />Here are some examples of how a conversation with Directions Guy might go.<br /><br /><strong>Me:</strong> Ok, I’m going back now.<br /><br /><strong>Directions Guy:</strong> Where do you live?<br /><br /><strong>Me:</strong> PJ.<br /><br /><strong>Directions Guy:</strong> Oh, oh, which way you take? The Federal exit after the Sunway toll? Or the NKV exit before Subang?<br /><br /><strong>Me:</strong> Errr.. the Federal one.<br /><br /><strong>Directions Guy:</strong> Oooh, ok ok. That one if you go further, you’ll see a Sperm Bank. And then on the left you’ll see a wheelchair dealership right.<br /><br /><strong>Me:</strong> Is that a question or…<br /><br /><strong>Directions Guy (now has a throbbing erection): </strong>I know, I know where you’re going. If you go straight means, you’ll come to Jalan Nutsack. On the right is a Ballsack Restaurant I think.<br /><br /><strong>Me:</strong> I really don’t…<br /><br /><strong>Directions Guy:</strong> The NKV exit is better ‘cos less jam. That one you go straight and turn right means you’ll reach Brickfields. And on your left is the police station…<br /><br /><strong>Me:</strong> ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I ADMIT IT!! I like little boys, ok?? There, I said it!<br /><br /><br />Even worse, is when two Directions Guy meet each other. God help you if you’re in the middle of that conversation. But sometimes the odds can play to your favour too – Directions Guys are very haughty about their ‘knowledge’ and get extremely indignant when another Directions Guy contradicts them.<br /><br /><strong>Me:</strong> How do I get to Midvalley from here?<br /><br /><strong>Directions Guy #1:</strong> Oh, easy. I’ll give you the quickest way. You take the first exit after the PJ toll and then you head down past the ballroom…<br /><br /><strong>Directions Guy #2: (suddenly joining conversation)</strong> No, that’s not it.<br /><br /><strong>Directions Guy #1(indignant): </strong>What do you mean that’s not it?<br /><br /><strong>Directions Guy #2: </strong>Fastest way is AFTER the PJ toll past the cable car rides, past the dance academy and then turn right.<br /><br /><strong>Directions Guy #1:</strong> You crazy?? That one leads to the something or another la, past the whatsitcalled! And on your left you can see the carnival.<br /><br /><strong>Directions Guy #2:</strong> Bastard! That road leads straight to the whorehouse past the woodcutter’s hut near the ass bank!<br /><strong><br />Directions Guy #1:</strong> I’ll kill you!<br /><br /><br /><br />If you’re a Directions Guy, please only share your amazing knowledge of roads and highways when you’re asked to. You can still be saved.Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-56412625567985176652009-01-22T02:22:00.001-08:002009-05-11T04:26:25.663-07:00"I Spit On Your Grave" REVIEWED!!<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Csan%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:officedocumentsettings> <o:relyonvml/> <o:allowpng/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Csan%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Csan%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> 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mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} a:link, span.MsoHyperlink {mso-style-priority:99; color:blue; mso-themecolor:hyperlink; text-decoration:underline; text-underline:single;} a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed {mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; color:purple; mso-themecolor:followedhyperlink; text-decoration:underline; text-underline:single;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >I am so happy, I just feel like strangling a starving Ethiopian child!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >This blog is being spoken about in the media. That’s right, you heard me. My blog, my little deformed, AIDS-stricken, paraplegic baby is hot on the press, as it were. I had no idea people even published reviews on blogs, but apparently they do. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >This is the shit because now I get to be famous and I get to pick up any chick I want and have any type of sex I want. And all you hot slutty Malay girls out there – I only watch Japanese porn and I am as horny as balls.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >(Horny as balls. A degree in professional writing and that’s the best simile I come up with. Thank you, Bear Beer!)<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >You know why my blog is all the rage? Probably because, unlike 90% of bloggers out there, my posts aren’t like this:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >Today i tried to be different, but couldn’t. I tried to call her but she wouldn’t pick up. I tried to speak to him but he wouldn’t listen. I tried to take a dump but nothing came out. How long will this last? Who am I to question anything? Nobody understands me. Possibly because I am a fat emo fag.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Or like this:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >Look at me. I have nothing interesting to talk about, so I’ve taken a picture of my PHONE and am going to review it. GPS device - ok. Camera - not bad. Games - so so. MP3 - good. Me – rich lifeless nerd.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Or even like this:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >Hi everyone, I’m a loaded kid living in Damansara who likes anime, gadgets and going to artsy-fartsy clubs. So that means I am TOTALLY UNIQUE. There is NOBODY out there like me. <span style=""> </span>And there definitely aren’t a MILLION blogs which are IDENTICAL to mine. I also play in an ‘experimental/brit pop/indie’ band.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Fuck everyone who has a blog like the above. I am now your god. Read my blog well and know why I deserve to get such stellar reviews from the most established publications of our time.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Cue drumroll and so forth. Here are the reviews:</span></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /><span style=";font-family:";" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></i></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></i></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >“…explicitly offensive and degrading in every level. (The Author) should be put down like the rabid mongrel that he is.”</span><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" ><o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" ><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>
<br /></span></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >-Crack Whore Magazine<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></i></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >“The child pornography of the blogging world.”</span><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" ><o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" ><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>
<br /></span></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >-Bahai Anime Review<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></i></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >“(I Spit On Your Grave) is a literary abortion purged out of a jackal’s infested loins, covered in a glutinous placenta of foul language, trailed by a writhing umbilical cord of distastefulness.”</span><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" ><o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" ><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>
<br /></span></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >-Ballsack Daily <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></i></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >“Reading this blog is like watching Baby Geniuses 2 while listening to Coldplay – an ordeal I wouldn’t wish upon a child-killer”</span><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" ><o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" ><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>
<br /></span></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >-The Gay Hindu Times<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" ><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" >Sigh. I am so proud. Tears trickling down the old cheeks. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" ><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >Stuck Up Malay Expat – I agree with you, man. I really can’t stand those type of Damansara rich kids. Ok<span style=""> </span>bye, I’m going to No Black Tie after watching ‘Ah! My Goddess’ on my Blackberry.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >Retarded Indian Nazi – You want the best blog of all time? <a href="http://www.ragedindian.com/">www.ragedindian.com</a> This my kaigeh. He top man.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >
<br /></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=";font-family:";" >Faggy Christian Youth Chinese Guy – My blog is about how cool is to worship and play in a church band! (Jesus, give him AIDS – Rajjiv)<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" ><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-91806405887460460162009-01-07T05:25:00.000-08:002009-01-07T05:39:04.675-08:00The Most Tired Joke Ever<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-S_fyfxOT6RGhkArMHdFMCku4NutTTWHwGu5ZuVUS2MHabCi83PLPcTzk5sNWtldrbiMUvEevg26e-8xM9tOWvkC4CyiOMXDvuzwwj61g7Ey7ycQRnYiOigh-RLtEhAuBMnDpunxjREA/s1600-h/blog.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 256px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-S_fyfxOT6RGhkArMHdFMCku4NutTTWHwGu5ZuVUS2MHabCi83PLPcTzk5sNWtldrbiMUvEevg26e-8xM9tOWvkC4CyiOMXDvuzwwj61g7Ey7ycQRnYiOigh-RLtEhAuBMnDpunxjREA/s400/blog.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5288543294521914002" /></a><br /><br />You all know what I'm talking about. Please, please tell this joke again to me for the thousandth time so that I can pray to Cthulhu for you to get balls cancer.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><br />Stuck Up Malay Expat - Am unable to relate because have not been to Malaysia in 2 weeks.<br /><br />Retarded Indian Nazi - I tell you funny joke. One day Samyvellu helikopter going to fall and only got 2 parachute.. (Rajjiv - oh for fuck's sake...)<br /><br />Faggy Christian Youth Chinese Guy - You know what's a joke? Rajjiv missing our annual Christian Youth Rally. Hello??? Where were you?? </span>Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-2981409637259068102009-01-02T00:09:00.000-08:002009-01-02T00:28:24.196-08:00 Mat Salleh’s Guide to Malaysia <meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Csan%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="country-region"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" 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class="MsoNormal">My dear Mat Salleh tourist. You made a wonderful choice to visit our beautiful nation. Please tell your girlfriend to not go braless in Jalan Masjid <st1:place st="on"><st1:country-region st="on">India</st1:country-region></st1:place>.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">I am under the assumption that you must have procured some sort of guide to the country through the medium of a fashionable, chic, in-flight magazine splattered with images of Eurasian models. This guide, which I, forgive me, once again assume might bear a title similar to “KL’s Secrets – the Best Places for Malaysian Food” or “The Cultural Experience in KL”, presumably penned by a local who spent half his life overseas.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">It’s all bullshit, don’t believe a word of it, and so forth. I will provide you with the PROPER guide to <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Malaysia</st1:place></st1:country-region>, don’t you know, and give you the true cultural experience.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">Food.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">I suppose the main thing you’d want to check out in the country is the food. Now, those ridiculous guides in those fancy magazines won’t tell you shit about where to eat. They’re ripping you off. They’d tell you something like ‘…best laksa I’ve ever tasted was in Pak Su’s Bistro (which has a wonderful traditional Malay ambience!) at Bukit Bintang, which only cost me RM25.’</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Absolute tripe, of course. I don’t know why these articles are almost always written by some prude who ‘prefers TGI Friday’s grilled cheeseburger to Ramly Burger Spesial’. They’ll always recommend you to some fancy Bali-beach restaurant with a pathetically Malaysian name, which serves ‘authentic Malaysian flavours’, all catered to milk the cash out of you, <span style=""> </span>my dear Mat Salleh. How do I know this? Simply because no proper Malaysian restaurant needs to describe nasi lemak as ‘fragrant coconut rice served with anchovies, nuts and spicy chilli paste’. Spicy chilli paste! Oh and it’ll cost you too.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Every self respecting Malaysian knows that the best places to eat are the ones preferably without a name, and with the worst hygiene. For example, if you want the best laksa, you should go to ‘the Chinese shop next to Aaron Video Centre and Karuppiah Shop’ in Klang. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">You might have also read about mamaks. And you might have also been suggested to try out the bullshit corporate ‘mamaks’ in Subang or PJ, where they dare to even have a (shudder!) menu. The best mamaks have to always comply with the three no’s: no roof, no uniform and no name. And god help you if a mamak serves western food. Or ice blended drinks.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">And I don’t know why none of these crap guides rarely, if never, mention pasar malams. Oh wait, I do know – because the writers don’t know shit about them. Oh, I’m sure they don’t have pasar malams ‘back in the States’, do they? Pissing me off…</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">Shopping</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">It’s always Suria KLCC, isn’t it? Everything has to be only in Suria KLCC. Oh, best choices in authentic Malay sarongs – Ripoff Boutique, located in Suria KLCC. What the hell happened to Sogo or <st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Campbell</st1:placename> <st1:placetype st="on">Plaza</st1:placetype></st1:place> or Sungei Wang? Oh don’t call me cheap – you know you can find some of the best shit there. Pirated CDs, metal t-shirts, fake handphone covers. Nothing says ‘let’s go shopping, sweetheart’ like a day in <st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Campbell</st1:placename> <st1:placetype st="on">Plaza</st1:placetype></st1:place>.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">I’m from Klang, so I’d recommend you to shop right in the heart of darkness – Shaw Centrepoint located in the middle of Klang town. Shaw Centrepoint is not only Malaysian shopping in a nutshell, it’s also a quaint cultural experience with all manner of transvestites, junkies, skinheads, bohsias and illegal immigrants. Just smell the marijuana in the air.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">Culture</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Oh, oh, I want to experience authentic Malaysian culture so I have to go to some interpretive dance show held in Bangsar which ‘protrays the identity of the modern Malaysian’, choreographed by a skinny balding white guy named Shankar who smells of camphor and buys clothes only in East India Company.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Malaysian culture can only be experienced by, well, experiencing it. Your ass going to Muzium Negara doesn’t make you an expert in Malaysian culture. You wanna see ‘History of the Malaccan Sultanate’ for what? Your ignorant ass thought <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Malaysia</st1:place></st1:country-region> had no TV. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">I’d suggest that any Mat Salleh who wants a true experience, contact me. I’ll pick you up, take you to the Brickfields illegal liquor store, stack up some shit and then I’ll show you your damn culture.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">First we’d down a few drinks in the car itself la. And then, take a drive to the local bapok hangout. Now <i style="">that’s</i> an exhibition for your cultured ass. I’ll introduce you to Disco Rani – she has skin as smooth as her shaved nuts.
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">And then we’ll head to the <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">padang</st1:city></st1:place> and that’s our port. After getting shitfaced, we’re off to the local mamak for nasi lemak ayam (fragrant coconut rice and all that sort of thing, but with chicken). I bet no magazine guide told you about all this. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">Do’s and Don’ts</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Like the magazine guides, I too must have a segment where the Mat Salleh, in a humorous fashion, gets to know what to do and not to do in <st1:place st="on"><st1:country-region st="on">Malaysia</st1:country-region></st1:place>.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">I’m sure you’ve already read the usual boring garbage like ‘always make sure your taxi driver has the meter on’, etc. So here’s a few pointers you won’t find anywhere else.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">STOP WEARING<span style=""> </span>SUCH SHORT SHORTS. I’m sure you don’t do this in your own country. Why are you dressed like George Michael in that video? This isn’t 1985 anymore. I know it’s supposed to be a hot country but if you’re a woman and have thighs like a rugby player, or a man whose pubic hair seems to trail down to his thighs, please stop grossing us out.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">NEVER ATTEMPT TO EAT WITH YOUR HANDS. Just….don’t. Just don’t la. You will never be able to do it. Eat that roti canai with a knife and fork if you have to.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">BE AWARE THAT YOU CAN EASILY PICK UP LOCAL CHICKS. Go to any club, wait for a bit, and you’ll get some. Also be aware that they might be the older type chicks like at <st1:place st="on">Waikiki</st1:place> or Old School, but still ok what. I can’t be sure, but last time, the Indian chicks in Bangsar used to go for white fuckers, but I’ve been away for too long, so don’t keep your hopes too high.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">WIN OVER LOCALS BY SPEAKING THE LOCAL TONGUE. Just learn to say ‘terima kasih’ or something, and some people will act as if you’re bloody Moses saying the ten commandments. A little patronizing goes a long way.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">So, my Mat Salleh friend, I hope you have profited significantly more from my humble teachings rather than some snooty magazine guide. Also be aware that if you’re white, no matter of the world you’re from, you will only be known as ‘European’ in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Malaysia</st1:place></st1:country-region>. If you’re black (and now that I think of it, I should have mentioned this much earlier), you will be ignored by all Malaysians and even feared.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Cheers.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">
<br /></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">Stuck Up Malay Expat – You made me think of nasi lemak and rendang and all the best Raya food, man. HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME REMEMBER I’M MALAYSIAN?! Ps – best koay teow is in Hard Rock Café.<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><o:p> </o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">
<br /></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">Retarded Indian Fanatic – I know why you never mention <st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Batu</st1:placename> <st1:placetype st="on">Caves</st1:placetype></st1:place>. Because you think you <st1:place st="on"><st1:country-region st="on">Australia</st1:country-region></st1:place> now, you very high class. Hello… don’t forget you are also Indian. Yah, yah, he can write about people who go overseas and act like white people but he himself… Careful, bro. I also got degree ok. I also can talk. <o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><o:p> </o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">
<br /></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">Faggy Christian Youth Chinese Guy – Hey don’t forget the Orang Asli Settlements. Once our church went there for a charity trip. We gave them clothes and water and canned foods and also told them that if they keep worshipping their pagan animistic gods and do not embrace the good lord Jesus Christ, they’re going to burn in hell. Now I have Orang Asli friends named Matthew, Jonah and Mary. <o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-42367495526101637992008-12-31T01:19:00.000-08:002008-12-31T01:27:50.408-08:00My Children! I am Back!First of all, I'd like to apologise to my thousands of readers for my absence. I was busy wrapping up my studies in Australia and my house didn't even have internet - so there. But now that I'm back in the ghetto, the madness shall continue.<br /><br />I am back to insult and offend and humiliate everyone and everything (probably because I am insecure and resort to humour as an escape route). I know many of you out there have been feverishly, desperately waiting with bated breath for another one of my biting works, and all I can say to you is 'believe in me, and ye shall be rewarded, for I have returned'. And that sentence did not make any sense at all.<br /><br />No, but yeah, I'm back la.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Stuck Up Malay Expat - Hey bro, welcome. Notice how when I said 'bro', I stressed on the 'r' like an American.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Retarded Indian Nazi - I very happy you the finish the study in Australia. Indian must come up in this worlds. We must the showing the Malay CHinese all we are education.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Faggy Christian Youth Chinese Guy - Ha ha, I like how you said 'my children' because you sound like Jesus. That's funny for me, because I can relate to it. No, but seriously, don't talk like that because you'll go to hell.</span>Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-24473185284127135662008-10-02T00:29:00.000-07:002008-10-02T00:31:37.106-07:00I Hate Radio AdsThe main reason I don’t tune into Malaysian radio stations anymore is because of the ads. Oh so hang me if I’m not a Hitz fm whore. So I’m not cool la. I hate pop music and I don’t know any of these hip, new DJs, and I’m not sure I want to either. Not to shit on any of you ‘disc jockeys’ out there, but seriously some of you with your fake accents make me want to overdose on sleeping pills.<br /><br />This is the problem I have with these fucked up radio ads. They try to be too ‘over- Malaysian’. I don’t think anyone in real life even talks like that any more. It’s like they opened up a Pendidikan Moral textbook and brought out every racial stereotype in there to work in the voiceover business. You follow me? I’ll show you.<br /><br />Ah Chong: Horrr!! I so happy! Me so happy liao!<br />Ali: Eh, Ah Chong. Why you so gembira, brader?<br />Ah Chong: You don’t know, meh? Cibai (Ok maybe they won’t say that la). Jaya Jusco got speshur sale on tampons this week, man. Velly good deal, horr.<br />Ali: Eh, bagusnya. I can take my Siti and then later she won’t komplen to me “Abang, I got bad flow this month, so tonight cannot hantam from belakang ok, Abang.”<br />Ah Chong: Yah, yah. Eh Muthu, remember to bring your J Card also. Don’t drink so much toddy and forget.<br /><br />(This is the part I hate the most – when they bring the Indian bugger in)<br /><br />Muthu: Aiyoyo! Roti canai, roti canai, Rajinikanth, Sentul, Klang, roti canai. Aiyoyo!<br />Ali and Ah Chong: Ha ha ha. Drunk wife beating fuck.<br /><br />Which also brings to mind something Hitz fm or Fly fm or one of those stations did some time ago. For some reason everyone thought this was freaking hilarious except me. It’s that stupid Pussycats Doll song which they remixed into a clichéd ‘Malaysian flavour’. <br /><br />Oh, oh, throw in the words ‘macha’ and ‘mamak’ and whatnot and suddenly it’s the funniest thing ever since my overweight alcoholic aunt fell down the stairs. Shit, you know what I’m talking about. Every idiot out there kept asking me again and again if I’d heard it yet, and even if I said yes, they’d sing it to me. “Dohhhhh, doncha wish your girlfriend ate nasilemak like me. Dohhhh.” I think I died a little each time. I’ve heard labour pain screams that were funnier. I’ve seen skidmarks inside a public toilet bowl that were more original.<br /><br />“Aiya, Rajjiv, its kinda funny la what.” No, it’s not. It’s horse shit. It’s the same type of desperate humour attempted at every school/college play, where they try to win laughs by HAHAHAHAHA dressing up a guy like a girl and HAHAHAHAHA making him talk like a Chinese vegetable seller from Jinjang. I hope the smart ones among you have started to sense a sick sort of pattern going on here.<br /><br />God, I am so full of hate.<br /><br />Stuck Up Malay Expat – Hey didn’t your Hitz fm steal our Rick Dee’s Weekly Top 40 show? Yeah. That’s our show. Not yours. <br /><br />Retarded Indian Nazi – Ha, ha ha, the Indian guy said Rajinikanth. I can relate to that, because being an Indian, I know who that is and therefore find the reference humorous. I am also the main reason ads like these still run. Lol, did he say roti canai? <br /><br />Faggy Christian Youth Chinese Guy – LOL, once during our play, we dressed up Cynthia Goh like a guy, and she acted as Michelle’s boyfriend and it was so funny. But later the pastor told us homosexuality is a sin, so…..yeah. Wasn’t so funny after that.Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-76045386646610255422008-10-02T00:27:00.000-07:002009-01-22T02:13:57.671-08:00What They Forgot To Mention<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><o:p><br /></o:p>“Hey, I’m a Subang chick all the way………<i style="">but I’m actually from Teluk Intan</i>.”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">“Ask anyone, all the bouncers in Hartamas know me……….<i style="">by know, I mean waved at once or twice.</i>”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">“Back in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Ipoh</st1:place></st1:city>, my friends and I were major car racers………<i style="">with all five of us squeezed into my mother’s six year old second hand Kancil.</i>”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">“Please, the new BMW’s steering is damn lousy la…….<i style="">I should know since I ride a bicycle to work.</i>”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">“When me and my friends drink, each fella will down two bottles la………<i style="">and I still wonder why they’re all dead.</i>”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">“I’m the biggest supporter of <st1:country-region st="on">Spain</st1:country-region>’s football team………<i style="">but I still don’t know what language they speak in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Spain</st1:place></st1:country-region>.</i>”</span></p>Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-23203648621106511572008-09-14T04:25:00.000-07:002008-09-14T04:26:05.628-07:00Fake Accents Piss Me OffThis goes out to all Malaysians who go overseas to study/work. I don’t care where the hell you go to – you can go to Turkmenistan for all I care – but if you come back with an ACCENT, you should be taken to the vet and put to sleep like the rabid mongrel that you are.<br /><br />I will renounce my worldly possessions and make a pilgrimage to the Himalayas and sit in meditation with monks till I grow a long white beard, and then finally after years and years, God will come before me and say “Behold, My child, with thy infinite penance, thou hath shook the heavens and silenced the worlds. Even with thy perfect devotion, thou hath earned Mine wisdom and love. Speak now what is that which thine heart yearns for?”<br /><br />“Well, God. You know that son of a bitch who spent one year in US and came back speaking like Justin Timberlake? Please give him AIDS. In the ass.”<br /><br />Oh god, I just can’t stand those motherfuckers. Just came back from London after a year and act as if they were born and bred there. They’ll go to a McDonalds in PJ and order a diet coke and then turn around and say “Oh, YOUR McDonalds doesn’t have diet cokes.” DUDE, YOU’RE FROM SUNGAI PETANI!<br /><br />Let me settle this issue once and for all. There is NO WAY you can spend a few years overseas and come back speaking with a different accent. No way. I don’t care what you say.<br /><br />I have lived for almost two years in Australia in the same house with an Aussie. I am the only non-Aussie in my course. In my last job, I had to speak with Aussies for eight hours non stop. HOW COME I STILL SOUND LIKE A MALAYSIAN?<br /><br />Pussified Apologist: Oh, Rajjiv, you don’t understand. They only speak to white people over there, that’s why they come back with accents.<br />Me: Oh and all this while in Australia, I was using bloody African clicking language. I live, eat, study and work with them. Have any of you ever heard me calling you ‘mate’? Fuck…<br /><br />Pussified Apologist: No la, actually you are different because you can always talk to your Malaysians friends over the phone, so that’s why you still sound the same.<br />Me: Dumb fuck, listen to me. All these posers go overseas WITH OTHER MALAYSIANS from cunting KDU and LIVE WITH THEM. Don’t give me that shit that they don’t. Even in the rare occasion that they don’t, don’t bloody tell me whichever country they went to doesn’t have phones. Bitch ass probably calls his mom everyday.<br /><br />Pussified Apologist: (desperate) No…they…actually.. because..<br />Me: Someone please put this retard out of his misery.<br /><br />I really, really hate these fake accent fucks. I hate them more than some of our local DJs who have American accents but still say shit like ‘The new Mummy movie is sucks.” You is sucks! It’s all put on, I tell you. Asking for a fucking Kleenex in the mamak – we say TISSUE, asshole, or have you forgotten that?<br /><br />Do you know why I, although surrounded by whites every day, still speak like a Malaysian? It is because I am secure with who I am and do not need to go back to Malaysia reinforced with a shell of insecure bullshit. These are the same cumstains who spent two months overseas and say shit like ‘Oh Sydney is my real home.” No, last I heard your ass was from Kedah. Your home is in Kedah! Go back home, you paddy field Felda bitch!<br /><br />Hell, long as I stay overseas, I’m still from the ghetto, fool. Wherever I go, I’m bringing a little bit of Klang. Shit, there’s gonna be a Klang scene in every major city. Tokyo-Klang, that’s the shit – our Klang machas starting our own 2-4 Yakuza Top and then getting fucked up on sake.<br /><br />Let it be gospel – the day I come back to Malaysia with an accent, feel free to throw me to the wolves.<br /><br /><em>Stuck Up Malay Expat – Hey pal, I’ve been overseas for ages too and I don’t have an accent either. By the way, what is this ‘la’ thingy you guys keep saying at the end of each sentence?<br /><br />Retarded Indian Nazi – Brother, I know you are trying to do a jokes, but sometimes we must be careful of the language. Why must you say paddy field Kedah b*tch? Paddy field is like our mother, it give us rice. It’s not nice to call mother ‘b*tch’. Please watch the language, da.<br /><br />Faggy Christian Youth Chinese Guy – LOL, really funny, man. People should always be themselves, ya know. Sometimes when we come out of prayer meeting, right, some people who aren’t comfortable with their own selves laugh at us and call us gay. Yeah. Gay for Jesus, man. Gay for Jesus.</em>Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-15897859991436138732008-09-09T22:47:00.000-07:002008-09-09T22:48:33.115-07:00Important Update - WE Spit On Your GraveSingle minded and selfish as I am, I’ve decided to open up a little and share my blog with a few others. These guys are really cool in their own ways and I can’t wait for them to contribute some neat articles to the blog.<br /><br />Here’s a little bit of an intro from each one of them. Hope you like their writings as much as you like mine. Thanks.<br /><br />Stuck Up Malay Expat – Hey guys what’s up? I’m Stuck Up Malay Expat, and I’m a 30 year old Malaysian currently working as a graphics designer in Harrisburg, PA. By PA, of course I mean Pennsylvania, but then again I’m assuming everyone out there knows that. I’ve been in the States for about two years now, and I’ve already forgotten how to speak Malay, what ‘terima kasih’ means, and if Perak is a place or a type of Thai dish. My hobbies include pretending I’m white, pretending I’m white and, during the weekends, I sometimes, if not often, enjoy pretending I’m white.<br /><br />Retarded Indian Fanatic – Hello, everyone, and Vanakam. Let me tell you a bit about myself. I am the classic stereotypical Indian fanatic – you know the sort which went through Tamil school in Sungai Petani and went on to become head of the Indian Society in UKM. I only know and love Indian people. I really, really hate Indians who are not exactly like me to the dot, and though I picture myself as a warrior for the Indian people, deep inside I am actually a very frustrated virgin who masturbates himself furiously to sleep every night.<br /><br />Faggy Christian Youth Chinese Guy– Hey, gang! I’m so glad to be here. I’m always positive and uplifting and infuriatingly upbeat. I’m 22 and a VERY active member of the Christian Youth faction of my church in Subang. I look a bit like John Lennon with my long hair and glasses and especially with my guitar, which I use to play hillsongs with the CY band. I have this retarded notion that Jesus is ‘my friend’ and I’m the type of faggot who writes down ‘worship’ as a hobby. I’m always slyly encouraging my non-Christian friends to attend our Youth Rallies, which coincidentally have a lot in common with Nazi Youth Rallies – we both recruit confused teenagers and worship a funny looking guy who’ll shit all over you if you don’t believe in him enough.<br /><br /><br />So, dear readers, I really hope you’ll enjoy reading our new bloggers’ works, as you have mine.Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-49728875900518756562008-08-21T19:45:00.000-07:002008-08-21T19:47:56.629-07:00Indian Girls + Arabs = Just Wrong for the Rest of UsWhy the hell are Indian girls constantly with Middle Easterners these days?<br /><br />When I was with MMU, some of the hot proper Indian girls (I’m talking about the ones not in some preconceived Indian clique with a clichéd moniker, who only go out with guys from the same clique) were always hand in hand with some oily sand nigger from Iran/Iraq/Shitistan.<br /><br />You see, the Indian Girl is a beautiful and delicate creature. By beautiful and delicate, I mean spiteful and materialistic. And by creature, I mean venomous, spitting basilisk purged out of Cthulhu’s octopus anus.<br /><br />When an Indian girl realizes she’s hot, it’s like when Peter Parker realized he had super powers. Except this time, with great power comes great bitchiness.<br /><br />And this hotness can bring two types of thinking into their heads: 1. I’m so hot that I won’t even look at your ass, or 2. I’m so hot that I will only go out with a foreigner.<br /><br />I’m not being racist here. Who am I kidding, I’m being racist like a motherfucker. A few years ago, you could see tons of Indian girls in Bangsar, with white guys. Ugly ass white guys who were like ten years older than them, usually advertising execs with some studio apartment somewhere in Ampang, who think that Phuket is their second home. What happened to that shit? I miss that shit. Wasn’t it damn funny when those Indian girls used to speak with fake accents, especially when they ordered drinks? Funny la what.<br /><br />The terrorists I used to know in college only knew three things: getting high, getting high and getting high. That’s all they did. Seriously. Most of them seemed to come from affluent families, so that meant they had the cash to get fucked up most of the time. Fucking oil price raising motherfuckers.<br /><br />I suppose the main reason Indian girls get attracted to these Arabs is because they look like ‘improved Indians’ with ‘better bodies and looks’. Ok, so the guy is fair and tall and has cash. I don’t give a rat’s ass. Terrorist is a terrorist for all I care. Can’t take the bugger to KLCC without him getting ideas. Fuck all of yall, I’m just being realistic.<br /><br />Seriously, try going to Asia Café sometime and count the number of Indian girls hanging on to some oily Taliban bugger’s arm. Repulsive! Go to Club Seven – sometimes you can see a whole bunch (or cell) of them, and there’d be one awkward looking Indian girl in the middle. Christ on a stick. Wonder what your father would have to say, seeing your ass hanging out with half the Taliban.<br /><br />What the fuck is you thinking going out with Saddam Hussein? Great choice, sweetheart, wait till he takes you back to his shithole desert country and puts you in a cage. What the fuck did you think this was – Aladdin? Shit, that’s not a magic lamp, that’s a bloody Molotov cocktail. This isn’t Arabian nights, bitch. This isn’t bloody Prince of Persia. Fuck, this isn’t Sinbad and his bullshit Voyages, this is your ass getting beheaded in Youtube. Fuck’s sake..<br /><br />Conclusion – you hos who are going out with Middle Easterners – do what you want. But don’t come running back to us when Ali Baba tells you that he wants to take you home to become his 5th wife.<br /><br />Of course, I wouldn’t be saying any of this if I was getting some regular hot Indian ass la. This is the sore loser talk. But fuck you, you ain’t getting any either. Unless you are, and I express my apologies and admiration. But seriously, fuck you.Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-62588937212463769702008-08-21T19:43:00.000-07:002008-08-21T19:45:05.162-07:00Malaysian Superstitions You Must NEVER Mention to ME<strong>‘The toyol inside the Gentings Casino’<br /></strong><br />Sometimes when I make fun of this to friends, some people actually laugh and then say ‘Eh but seriously I heard they got something inside there la.’ Sigh. Let’s not even touch this. I’ve even contemplated murder.<br /><br /><strong>‘Security guards who say that whatever place they’re working in is haunted’</strong><br /><br />Every damn guard has the same damn story. Every bloody warehouse, library, apartment complex, mall, etc, seems to be haunted. EVERY place is haunted! Yes, dear readers, it has to come to that level of retardation. And summore, it’s always haunted by the most ridiculous ghosts – hantu tetek, hantu bungkus, blah blah. Jesus, I mean at least it wouldn’t be so bad if the place was haunted by something decent la what. Come to think of it, how sad a ghost you must be if you’re actually called a hantu tetek.<br /><br /><strong>‘Wash your feet before you enter the house in case something follows you inside’<br /></strong><br />I don’t mean to shit on an Indian belief, but actually I do. I have a better idea to stop something from following you inside – lock the fucking door.<br /><br /><strong>‘Ask permission from the spirits first before pissing in public’</strong><br /><br />Listen, my tax money built the park, and I have every right to even take a shit on a bush. In fact, each time I take a drunken piss in Taman Botanic, I whisper ‘How do you like this, you undead fucks? Am I peeing on your grave? Salty enough for you? I’ll be back in fifteen minutes for seconds, drink up.’<br /><br /><strong>‘The reason he’s so attracted to her is because she put a charm on him’</strong><br /><br />No, it’s because she has what is known as a vagina.<br /><br /><strong>‘Sometimes when I sleep, I feel something sitting on me’<br /></strong><br />Mention ghost stories, and there’s bound to be a retard who brings this up. Why the fuck would a ghost sit on you? Not for one second did you consider that it might have been your uncle who came to your room that night and touched you, but you didn’t want to say anything because he’s paying your way through college and your parents wouldn’t believe you anyway, so you’d rather live in denial all your life whilst bottling up your frustrations deep inside, only to break down and realize years later that you can’t stop touching your kids, right before you shoot yourself in the mouth.Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-37054102932565101322008-08-04T09:53:00.000-07:002008-12-10T10:19:41.141-08:00Blood Fucking Legion<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk1Q_vXXZx5TEAe6fbvOaQYhtJ4u1grF1tswYc5bkyAq-O087O2doL_fZ5lGCrXaGhTGYXxIVP1AgTZCfQH4rIioW6X6WdEWQhh-ZJAsour3I-nLRJUXTAH_wI6md9OCF4a25n_lc78KE/s1600-h/bloodlegion.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk1Q_vXXZx5TEAe6fbvOaQYhtJ4u1grF1tswYc5bkyAq-O087O2doL_fZ5lGCrXaGhTGYXxIVP1AgTZCfQH4rIioW6X6WdEWQhh-ZJAsour3I-nLRJUXTAH_wI6md9OCF4a25n_lc78KE/s320/bloodlegion.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5230709600225812770" border="0" /></a>I'm going back to Australia tomorrow. Fuck! Seriously, fuck! But I want to tell you about the biggest fucking highlight of my vacation.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I wet myself with multiple orgasms watching Blood Legion in Paul's Place.</span><br /><br />But let me first start with the night earlier. The guys were going to have their final jam before the big show, and they called me to hang out with em in the studio. They also told me they were going to drink. I must admit I was a bit confused - were we going to drink before jamming, or after jamming? But then... wait... wait...oh shit on a stick... I can't believe I never saw it that way... we can drink while... try to follow me here... we ...can...drink....WHILE JAMMING! We can drink WHILE we jam! Yeap, I took some time alright, but I got there. I got there.<br /><br />I can only describe the night as a whirlwind fuelled by cheap liquor and metal. I couldn't believe how fucking awesome these guys were! I mean, seriously. I was totally rocking out like a motherfucker. Me and David were totally going crazy over that shit. And I mean crazy like Evangelical Church crazy. But let me get on to the real deal.<br /><br />The next day, we were joined by more of our kaigez - Vishnu, Kamal (good to see you after so long) and Dinesh. Fuck man, the moment Blood Legion went on stage, I can promise you guys that all of us got totally fucking insane over that shit. Watch the video and see man.<br /><br />Jai exceeded my expectations on the guitar. I always knew he was fucking brutal. But this time, he was so brutal that if he was a pornographic film, he would be Farmsex.com. Insane tapping, dude! I think the big fat bald guy next to me cummed. Gross.<br /><br />Shan, you took that stage and made it your bitch, man. You took that stage and said to it, "Get in the fucking kitchen and make me a sandwich, you diseased bitch of a whore!". Then later you took into the bedroom and fucked it in the ass while saying SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP. You owned that stage, man.<br /><br />Pathma, well, you do know that I never really ever saw you play bass, right? The last time I actually saw you play bass in front of me, you were just a beginner. Dei, this time you totally fucking rocked. I'm not kidding. I watched the video twice. Next time I come you'll be rolling all over the scales, man.<br /><br />Awesome fucking show. I'll be back to see more. And who knows.. one day I'll join you guys on stage. Oh hell, I might as well write my own thing now itself:<br /><br />And Rajjiv...wow. You were nothing less of a golden god. You made love to that guitar and made it reach unspeakable orgasmic heights. You breathed life into that guitar and whispered into its ear the secrets of life. You are infinite. You are a god!Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-21554135901267803282008-07-31T03:17:00.000-07:002008-07-31T04:11:20.022-07:00I will be hated by all.The other day, I came across a few blogs run by Indians la. Before this I never really bothered to read any blogs written by Indians my age, because I assumed it'd be all about Tamil movies and computer stuff. Well, I was right like a motherfucker, of course.<br /><br />But that's not the point. The thing is all these blogs seemed to be written only by 'good Indians'. You know what I'm talking about, right? Always writing positive, nice shit. Makes me want to puke. I think these guys have to be no older than their late twenties la - yet they seem to be living in a cesspool of righteous Indian behaviour. I think I'll give you a few examples.<br /><br />There was this one dickface who wrote about 'Indian galz' pretending to be westernised in front of boys. As in they spoke English with strange slangs, alien even to me, the foremost expert on Indian vage. Dude, seriously, what kind of Indian girls are you hanging out with? I'll be realistic - I'm not interested in knowing Indian girls who talk Tamil among themselves. Because they'll be pari to the core.<br /><br />You wanna know how much the world cares about your collared-t shirt wearing, matted hair, Politeknik bitches? Zilch. Zero. You wanna know what we care to hear about? Hot ass slutty Sunway college hos whose names don't bloody end with something '-wary'. I wanna hear about Asha and Sonia, not cunting Vigneswari and Komalavalli. Where are the Taylors chicks? OH WAIT, MY MISTAKE. Girls like that won't even talk to your sorry, box-haircut ass. Stick with the trolls.<br /><br />Another guy was writing something or another about girls and guys and relationships. It wasn't that bad - he seemed to be writing decently enough, until the word 'fuck' came in. It just hit me in the face like a sledgehammer. Imagine that - the word I'm most comfortable with fucking me up like that. Because it was like the word totally did not fit in. I'll tell you why.<br /><br />Imagine if I wrote something like this: <span style="font-style: italic;">'Mother Teresa was considered a living saint. Her charity work in India saved thousands of lives, and touched millions all around the world. She was an inspiration to all around her. She was, however, against anyone who anally fucked outside of wedlock. Her death was a heartfelt tragedy and she was always be remembered."</span><br /><br />Something totally didn't fit in, did it? That's how I felt when I was reading this fucker's blog. He'll write some generally socially aware article, but then throw in totally inappropriate swear words. What the fuck, dude? You're obviously just straining your uncultured ass off to swear in your writing, to prove some sad, sad point. Drop it, man. You can't pull it off. I can, however. I can swear so sincerely and eloquently, that it's fucking Shakespeare. Shit, when I was born, I smacked the nurse on the ass and told the doctor 'Damn, I'd fuck that.' Write that down, bitch.<br /><br />And worse are the people who comment on the articles. Bloody piss me off if any of my readers talk like that. "Write short short story next time, ok va?" "I agree with you, Rajjiv. We must bringing up the tamil Makkals." "Top article la bro! Really gives out positive energy paa."<br /><br />Fucking gonna throw up over this shit. Let me promise you guys one thing. I'm not gonna write any fake ass bullcrap and keep trying to sound like a bloody saint. I'm not going to snidely comment on the Indian youth's behaviour and then state that I meant no offense and was only intending to 'bring up the youths'. I will be as candid as possible, and I <span style="font-style: italic;">will </span>spit on your grave. Most importantly, I WILL TELL IT LIKE IT IS. That's what the Indians need - not some Vaanavil presenter wannabe safely behind the politically correct line.<br /><br />I don't give a flying fuck if anyone wants to bash me in the comments. In fact I thrive on it. I thrive on verbal abuse. Music to my ears. Tell me how closed minded and prejudiced I am, and I disappear into a Wagnerian symphony. Write to me hate mails telling me to always say good things about the Indians, and my nipples become orgasmically rock hard. Oh sainted god, I feed on abuse like a diseased crack whore. I am a Babylonian whore to the cruelest abuse.<br /><br />I'll definitely be hated by all. But at least I said it like it is. Balls to the walls!Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-85448967859178861082008-07-30T10:44:00.000-07:002008-07-30T11:03:41.352-07:00Unbelievable #1This is a shit attempt at starting a post category which I will probably abandon after a week.<br /><br />Unbelievable: In school, I used to be teased by my Chinese friends for being dark. <span style="font-style: italic;">No way! Really?</span><br /><br />That time, most of my classmates were Chinese la, cos I was in the first class what. So, it was damn normal for me to be picked on for being dark. What names they used to call me - blackie la, hitam la. I gotta admit I never really found it amusing. What's worse is this - I never retaliated. How gay is that shit?<br /><br />There was this one son of a bitch who never stopped la. I still know him till this day. He had this ridiculous childish sense of humour, and still does. Lets call him..err...James. Any time he sees me, he must say something about me being dark. I can't even go in front of the class without this fucker saying something. Pissed me off like hell la what. And best part is, I never responded.<br /><br />Back then, the conversation would be something like this:<br /><br />James the Cunt: Yo, Blackie. What's up, Blackie? Ha ha ha!<br />Gay me: Err.. yeah. Very funny.<br />James the Cunt: Hitam, hitam!<br />Gay me: Yeap, that's me. Sigh.<br /><br />I suppose I didn't want to say anything racial la, because most of my good friends were Chinese. Also, I think I was what is known as a 'nice boy.'<br /><br />Oh but if he started that shit TODAY.. woahhhhh. I wish he would la! It's not that I'm anti Chinese or anything, I got loads of good Chinese friends. I'm just anti HIM and I'll strike him right back. Our conversation today might go something like this.<br /><br />James the Cunt: Yo, black man. How you doing, black man?<br />Awesome me: HORRRR!! ME SO HORNY!! ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME, SOLDIER BOY!!'<br />James the Cunt:...err... hey you are...dark..?<br />Awesome me: SUCKY SUCKY ONLY TEN LOLLAR! TEN LOLLAR PREASE!!<br />James the Cunt: Dei, that's really offensive la. I was just teasing you ok.<br />Awesome me: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I don't wanna buy pirated DVDs ok? I'm not interested in watching bloody X Men vs Predator. Christ! Here's two bucks, go play counterstrike or something.<br /><br />If you're reading this, James, suck my black balls. BTW I've always thought you were deformed (inside joke).Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8441344790692508727.post-76166716739615479852008-07-30T09:52:00.000-07:002008-07-30T10:30:38.910-07:00Opening Night, or The EjaculationFirst of all, don't worry about the name. I took it from an old film that was heavily criticised because it was too controversial and violent. Also it was cheap and tasteless. That sort of sums up the entire blog.<br /><br />I think the main reason I started this is because I just needed a place to vent or rant or voice out my many silly observations. Warning - if you are easily offended or possess zero wit/humour, I dearly BEG you to read this blog every single day, so I can piss all over your shit-addled head.<br /><br />I seriously get a rock hard boner writing abusive, violent, racist, offensive shit. I'm disgusting that way. I also have a huge messiah complex, where I believe I am above everyone else, and am possibly some sort of prophet. I also have a huge ego.<br /><br />Alright enough about me, I'm not that fucking interesting. Please do read on and I hope you will be amused/enlightened/pissed off. Tarah.Rajjivhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604760438178142463noreply@blogger.com0