To ALL JAPANESE GIRLS: Why You Should Date Me

I like Schoolgirls

Fuck each and every one of you guys out there who says he doesn’t like schoolgirls. Well, to clear things up, I don’t really like school girls per se – I like girls in school uniforms, so they could be of any age. Then again, I’m a registered sex offender.

So, yes, Japanese girls, with me you can be free to wear that little sailor uniform. And the short skirt. And the high socks. And the white panties. Ok, no panties.

I Think Giggling is Sexy

I want you to giggle at everything I say. Preferably with one hand coyly covering your petite mouth. “Hey you look so cute!” GIGGLE! “Hey I love your Hello Kitty bag!” GIGGLE! “Hey my uncle's daughter got raped so he killed himself out of shame!” GIGGLE!

I like Your Body

Japanese girls are not flat! They’re perfect. Ok, maybe a bit flat, but still perfect. Each time I say I like Japanese girls to an Indian girl, she says “Oh, they’re so flat”. Well, sorry, I’m just not into huge child-bearing hips or ‘big because they’re fat’ boobs.

PS – I would like to clarify that Indian girls are not all big hips and fat boobs - some have moustaches too.

I’m Into Whimpering During Sex

Japanese girls don’t moan in pleasure or scream out your name during sex – they just plain whimper. Sometimes with a finger in the mouth. I’m doing her, and she’s whimpering – in pleasure, apparently! That is just so tits. Anyone who’s watched Japanese porn knows this. Fuck off, don't stare at me, you all have.

I’ll Piss On Your Face

First of all, we shouldn’t make fun of other people’s customs. People do things differently in other cultures. We kiss during sex, Japanese people just piss on each other. Don’t laugh, this is serious shit. That reminds me – they sometimes crap on each other too. But that’s just gross. Sick Japanese bastards.

Hate Mail I Received Because of This Post:

Dear Rajjiv,

I am a successful Japanese woman from Tokyo. This is a highly distasteful post that is both degrading to women and the Japanese. Japanese women are not sick perverse nymphs ready to serve you sexually. This is typical stereotyping that can only be produced from a mind so steeped in pornography and cheap television shows. I hope you burn in hell.

Anonymous

My Reply:

Dear Anonymous:

YES ME RIKEY YOU RONG TIME TOO. I RESPECT ALL JAPANESE WOMEN. I WISH FOR YOU TO GIVE ME MANY MANY SEXY TIME PREASURE IN PENIS AREA. I WANT TO DO YOU FROM BEHIND. THANK YOU PREASE. SAYONARA PREASE.

Rajjiv