I will be hated by all.

The other day, I came across a few blogs run by Indians la. Before this I never really bothered to read any blogs written by Indians my age, because I assumed it'd be all about Tamil movies and computer stuff. Well, I was right like a motherfucker, of course.

But that's not the point. The thing is all these blogs seemed to be written only by 'good Indians'. You know what I'm talking about, right? Always writing positive, nice shit. Makes me want to puke. I think these guys have to be no older than their late twenties la - yet they seem to be living in a cesspool of righteous Indian behaviour. I think I'll give you a few examples.

There was this one dickface who wrote about 'Indian galz' pretending to be westernised in front of boys. As in they spoke English with strange slangs, alien even to me, the foremost expert on Indian vage. Dude, seriously, what kind of Indian girls are you hanging out with? I'll be realistic - I'm not interested in knowing Indian girls who talk Tamil among themselves. Because they'll be pari to the core.

You wanna know how much the world cares about your collared-t shirt wearing, matted hair, Politeknik bitches? Zilch. Zero. You wanna know what we care to hear about? Hot ass slutty Sunway college hos whose names don't bloody end with something '-wary'. I wanna hear about Asha and Sonia, not cunting Vigneswari and Komalavalli. Where are the Taylors chicks? OH WAIT, MY MISTAKE. Girls like that won't even talk to your sorry, box-haircut ass. Stick with the trolls.

Another guy was writing something or another about girls and guys and relationships. It wasn't that bad - he seemed to be writing decently enough, until the word 'fuck' came in. It just hit me in the face like a sledgehammer. Imagine that - the word I'm most comfortable with fucking me up like that. Because it was like the word totally did not fit in. I'll tell you why.

Imagine if I wrote something like this: 'Mother Teresa was considered a living saint. Her charity work in India saved thousands of lives, and touched millions all around the world. She was an inspiration to all around her. She was, however, against anyone who anally fucked outside of wedlock. Her death was a heartfelt tragedy and she was always be remembered."

Something totally didn't fit in, did it? That's how I felt when I was reading this fucker's blog. He'll write some generally socially aware article, but then throw in totally inappropriate swear words. What the fuck, dude? You're obviously just straining your uncultured ass off to swear in your writing, to prove some sad, sad point. Drop it, man. You can't pull it off. I can, however. I can swear so sincerely and eloquently, that it's fucking Shakespeare. Shit, when I was born, I smacked the nurse on the ass and told the doctor 'Damn, I'd fuck that.' Write that down, bitch.

And worse are the people who comment on the articles. Bloody piss me off if any of my readers talk like that. "Write short short story next time, ok va?" "I agree with you, Rajjiv. We must bringing up the tamil Makkals." "Top article la bro! Really gives out positive energy paa."

Fucking gonna throw up over this shit. Let me promise you guys one thing. I'm not gonna write any fake ass bullcrap and keep trying to sound like a bloody saint. I'm not going to snidely comment on the Indian youth's behaviour and then state that I meant no offense and was only intending to 'bring up the youths'. I will be as candid as possible, and I will spit on your grave. Most importantly, I WILL TELL IT LIKE IT IS. That's what the Indians need - not some Vaanavil presenter wannabe safely behind the politically correct line.

I don't give a flying fuck if anyone wants to bash me in the comments. In fact I thrive on it. I thrive on verbal abuse. Music to my ears. Tell me how closed minded and prejudiced I am, and I disappear into a Wagnerian symphony. Write to me hate mails telling me to always say good things about the Indians, and my nipples become orgasmically rock hard. Oh sainted god, I feed on abuse like a diseased crack whore. I am a Babylonian whore to the cruelest abuse.

I'll definitely be hated by all. But at least I said it like it is. Balls to the walls!

Unbelievable #1

This is a shit attempt at starting a post category which I will probably abandon after a week.

Unbelievable: In school, I used to be teased by my Chinese friends for being dark. No way! Really?

That time, most of my classmates were Chinese la, cos I was in the first class what. So, it was damn normal for me to be picked on for being dark. What names they used to call me - blackie la, hitam la. I gotta admit I never really found it amusing. What's worse is this - I never retaliated. How gay is that shit?

There was this one son of a bitch who never stopped la. I still know him till this day. He had this ridiculous childish sense of humour, and still does. Lets call him..err...James. Any time he sees me, he must say something about me being dark. I can't even go in front of the class without this fucker saying something. Pissed me off like hell la what. And best part is, I never responded.

Back then, the conversation would be something like this:

James the Cunt: Yo, Blackie. What's up, Blackie? Ha ha ha!
Gay me: Err.. yeah. Very funny.
James the Cunt: Hitam, hitam!
Gay me: Yeap, that's me. Sigh.

I suppose I didn't want to say anything racial la, because most of my good friends were Chinese. Also, I think I was what is known as a 'nice boy.'

Oh but if he started that shit TODAY.. woahhhhh. I wish he would la! It's not that I'm anti Chinese or anything, I got loads of good Chinese friends. I'm just anti HIM and I'll strike him right back. Our conversation today might go something like this.

James the Cunt: Yo, black man. How you doing, black man?
Awesome me: HORRRR!! ME SO HORNY!! ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME, SOLDIER BOY!!'
James the Cunt:...err... hey you are...dark..?
Awesome me: SUCKY SUCKY ONLY TEN LOLLAR! TEN LOLLAR PREASE!!
James the Cunt: Dei, that's really offensive la. I was just teasing you ok.
Awesome me: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I don't wanna buy pirated DVDs ok? I'm not interested in watching bloody X Men vs Predator. Christ! Here's two bucks, go play counterstrike or something.

If you're reading this, James, suck my black balls. BTW I've always thought you were deformed (inside joke).

Opening Night, or The Ejaculation

First of all, don't worry about the name. I took it from an old film that was heavily criticised because it was too controversial and violent. Also it was cheap and tasteless. That sort of sums up the entire blog.

I think the main reason I started this is because I just needed a place to vent or rant or voice out my many silly observations. Warning - if you are easily offended or possess zero wit/humour, I dearly BEG you to read this blog every single day, so I can piss all over your shit-addled head.

I seriously get a rock hard boner writing abusive, violent, racist, offensive shit. I'm disgusting that way. I also have a huge messiah complex, where I believe I am above everyone else, and am possibly some sort of prophet. I also have a huge ego.

Alright enough about me, I'm not that fucking interesting. Please do read on and I hope you will be amused/enlightened/pissed off. Tarah.