"I Spit On Your Grave" REVIEWED!!

I am so happy, I just feel like strangling a starving Ethiopian child!

This blog is being spoken about in the media. That’s right, you heard me. My blog, my little deformed, AIDS-stricken, paraplegic baby is hot on the press, as it were. I had no idea people even published reviews on blogs, but apparently they do.

This is the shit because now I get to be famous and I get to pick up any chick I want and have any type of sex I want. And all you hot slutty Malay girls out there – I only watch Japanese porn and I am as horny as balls.

(Horny as balls. A degree in professional writing and that’s the best simile I come up with. Thank you, Bear Beer!)

You know why my blog is all the rage? Probably because, unlike 90% of bloggers out there, my posts aren’t like this:

Today i tried to be different, but couldn’t. I tried to call her but she wouldn’t pick up. I tried to speak to him but he wouldn’t listen. I tried to take a dump but nothing came out. How long will this last? Who am I to question anything? Nobody understands me. Possibly because I am a fat emo fag.

Or like this:

Look at me. I have nothing interesting to talk about, so I’ve taken a picture of my PHONE and am going to review it. GPS device - ok. Camera - not bad. Games - so so. MP3 - good. Me – rich lifeless nerd.

Or even like this:

Hi everyone, I’m a loaded kid living in Damansara who likes anime, gadgets and going to artsy-fartsy clubs. So that means I am TOTALLY UNIQUE. There is NOBODY out there like me. And there definitely aren’t a MILLION blogs which are IDENTICAL to mine. I also play in an ‘experimental/brit pop/indie’ band.

Fuck everyone who has a blog like the above. I am now your god. Read my blog well and know why I deserve to get such stellar reviews from the most established publications of our time.

Cue drumroll and so forth. Here are the reviews:

“…explicitly offensive and degrading in every level. (The Author) should be put down like the rabid mongrel that he is.”

-Crack Whore Magazine

“The child pornography of the blogging world.”

-Bahai Anime Review

“(I Spit On Your Grave) is a literary abortion purged out of a jackal’s infested loins, covered in a glutinous placenta of foul language, trailed by a writhing umbilical cord of distastefulness.”

-Ballsack Daily

“Reading this blog is like watching Baby Geniuses 2 while listening to Coldplay – an ordeal I wouldn’t wish upon a child-killer”

-The Gay Hindu Times

Sigh. I am so proud. Tears trickling down the old cheeks.

Stuck Up Malay Expat – I agree with you, man. I really can’t stand those type of Damansara rich kids. Ok bye, I’m going to No Black Tie after watching ‘Ah! My Goddess’ on my Blackberry.

Retarded Indian Nazi – You want the best blog of all time? www.ragedindian.com This my kaigeh. He top man.

Faggy Christian Youth Chinese Guy – My blog is about how cool is to worship and play in a church band! (Jesus, give him AIDS – Rajjiv)